She and he are deep in conversation. She is flashing her eyes, twirling her hair, pouting, lip licking and touching him. She's giving out all the signals of a woman on the prowl and she's with YOUR man! What do you do?
What I am about to suggest won't be found in any book of rules...but in my experience, it's many times more empowering for all concerned...
First of all he might be your man but he isn't YOUR man. You don't own him. He's a person you are interacting with on a social and probably sexual basis. He is a person you are having a relationship with. He is a human being who belongs to himself, just as you do to yourself. And he is choosing to be with you as you are choosing to be with him.
I'd consider it flattering that someone else was so interested in the man I am with. It would confirm my good taste. I'd be pleased that such a man has chosen to be with me! And don't for a moment think I get my self worth from this. I get that from me! This is a bonus!
He's taken - I want him!
This year, biologist Lee Dugatkin and psychologist Michael Cunningham came out with some fascinating information on patterns of attraction. The studies they carried out over several years on birds and then humans [our mating rituals bear many similarities to those of birds] indicated that when a man is 'partnered' his attraction ratings go up considerably compared to when he is 'single'.
This means other women will fancy your man. It's a part of our primitive programming because deep in our psyche we are primed to sense that 'if other people are attracted to him he must have something worth having' He's been pre-screened by someone else!! And if she's attractive, that makes him even more of a 'catch'.
Flirt with him first
It's one of life's joys to be able to flirt with the man in your life. It's the keynote to keeping your relationship fresh and exciting. If someone was 'over-flirting' with my man, I'd probably find some subtle [or not so subtle!] way to remind him of all the good things he's got with me! I'd just make sure I flirted with him even more than she did and before she even started!!!! But I wouldn't ever deny who I am, just to make him like me more. Whatever you do has to come from a deep-rooted good feeling about the man you are with.
I'd flirt with all my feminine wiles and all the information I have about what he turns him on. After all, if you've been intimate with him, you will probably know what gets him passionate and hot! Flirt sexually with him - he'll love you for it. He'll feel good. Believe me, men love to be wanted!
Show your desire
Men are vulnerable just as we are. They long for a woman to express her desire for him. We never stop talking about how we want a man to pay us compliments, tell us we're beautiful, make us feel good. So why shouldn't we go first and give him a taste of how good it feels.
Show him he's wanted, not by nagging and hassling or by acting jealously, but by demonstrating your desire and flirting using all that you know about his wants and likes to draw him to you...mmmm
It's a big mistake to think that after a few dates you've now officially got a 'boyfriend' and that's it. It isn't. Most men are susceptible to womanly wiles. They are biologically programmed to spread their seed far and wide! Despite the influence of current social programmes, human beings can be led by their primitive programming. Men are programmed to look around.
Natural radar for women
He'll be attracted by women all the time. Be glad that he's got this radar for attractive women-he's obviously a red-blooded heterosexual male! Smile and feel good when you see your man admiring a girl and if she's attractive, be honest and agree either to yourself or tell him. If you start to think of her as competition, he'll unconsciously sense it from your voice tone and your minute body language signals.
Feel good that you are with someone that other people desire - he chose you.
Let him look and enjoy it. It's natural. If he is having the time of his life with you, if you are being yourself with him and loving it and if you allow him to be who he is, he probably won't stray. And if he does, that’s another story…and there are ways of handling that too. Above all be true to what makes you feel good and be flexible within those limits.
And haven't you ever enjoyed being flirted with by some very charming man. I like it if 'my' man is chased by women, it just confirms what I already know. Of course if you act this way, don't be surprised if he is more laid back about your encounters. And don't kid yourself that a jealous man is great because it reaffirms how much he cares. It doesn't. It re-affirms how insecure he is and that's all!!
Relationships aren't prisons or schools full of rules about what you can't do. Relationships should be playpens that each person enters into just to have a great time with the other person.
The turn-off scowl
If some woman is constantly flirting with your boyfriend, don’t go all whiney and angry. That's guaranteed to make you look highly undesirable. Men hate that! They may have different tolerance levels for it, but underneath a man wants a woman who brings peace to his life together with excitement, passion and understanding.
When you scowl inside or out even if you have the 'prettiest' face - you will look ugly. And forget about doing the big bitch put down on her. He will watch you and shudder as he imagines you doing it to him someday.
Instead, summon up what makes you feel good about yourself, what you love about him and like this flirt with him . It’s your right to flirt with your boyfriend, wildly and wantonly! You can whisper in his ear and be more intimate physically with him than she will probably dare to. I’m assuming here that you have had sex with this man. [If you haven’t decide quickly?he may wait but while he’s waiting he’ll be roving and much, much more open. And if you do decide to, do it only because you really WANT him, not because you want him to like you or afraid of losing him..
Purr and moan
You have shared exciting, intimate moments. You have the power to activate his sexual driver. Use it! Perhaps a word will trigger off his memories, or maybe a touch. Whatever it is use it. Knowing how much YOU want him, coupled with the memories you get him to focus on, will turn him back on to you!
You have some choices. You can also choose to ignore what is going on because you know that you and he are really hot right now. Tell yourself the truth. You can hang out and flirt with people you want to flirt with and know that you’re going home with your man. If he goes off with someone else when he’s out with you you should be glad you got rid of him so quickly! That’s just really bad manners. But if it’s just a dalliance, is it really all that threatening?
Bitch and Moan
You can act aggressively and accuse him and bitch about her. Sometimes he might not have picked up the signals, even if they are obvious. And if he denies it, it might be because we all tend to go to the defensive when someone accuses us. You can choose this way, and if you do I guarantee you're going to feel like shit overall! It's a bad choice and it doesn't work. You'll alienate him. Either you learn to live with and enjoy the fact you are with an attractive man and women will chase him or give him up.
If you start to feel bad and insecure and unsure of him, ask yourself who's in charge of your feelings? What makes you see this as a threat?
She's a human being
You can do what my friend Janey did early on in her relationship with the guy she later married. She saw him in a highly flirtatious conversation with an attractive woman so she ambled over naturally and just joined in the conversation. People do this at parties all the time! She didn't say who she was, she just joined in and was her scintillating self and eventually the woman just moved away naturally.
If you do decide to join in, don't stand there menacingly. You are just having a conversation. Be your wonderful flirtatious self with him especially AND with her. Be interested in her.
If she's gorgeous, tell her. Pay HER a compliment and mean it. I can see why he is talking to you, you抮e absolutely gorgeous. Try it.. in your own words. The only thing is, you have to mean it. It feels good, believe me. Your boyfriend will see you in a superb light. He will feel warm towards you.
In your own words, you could tell her how you admire flirtatious women. You could tell her it's wonderful to see a woman expressing herself. You could ask her how she does it? You could form a female camaraderie with her. Adopt any of these tactics and she抯 much less likely to pursue your man.
Be exactly what no one expects you to be in these circumstances secure, friendly, flirtatious and glowing!
Letting go gracefully and happily
The challenge and the learning for you is to become content enough about who you are so that if he does have women flocking to him you can see the positive side of it. You also need to be secure enough to tell yourself that if were to go off with someone else that's just the way it goes. Regret is a loser's game.
Instead you can find different ways to frame it.
Perhaps he just wasn't for you in the first place? Be glad! You got a lucky escape early on in the
game ?closing down longer term relationships and going through divorce can be messy. If you aren't desperate, you'll know there's someone waiting for you that will be right for that time.
Perhaps you were expecting more than you'd let on to him? Next time be honest about what you want?
If it's you he wants...
And if he comes home with you at the end of the day despite the 'traps' set by honey-pot, temptingly flirtatious women, and he wants to be with you, holding you and wanting you, then this other woman's interest may just have kindled even more desire in him and good feelings at being wanted, that you will enjoy an extra special evening together. Mmmm that's kind of a nice thought isn't it!
I remember someone meeting my man and saying 慔e抯 special, hang on to him? I thought at the time that's a bit of a toxic story 慺ind a man and hang on to him?nbsp;
I prefer to to demonstrate constantly to him how happy I am being with him. I wouldn't be with him if I feel unhappy. Let him know what you like about him. Men like compliments too. If you genuinely admire something about him, tell him. Tell him when he抯 been successful, tell him when he looks good and tell him when he does something you like.
Make him feel good, let him go and remind him of what抯 waiting for him when he comes back... and he will!
Men don't function well in cages any more than we do. Ask yourself are you truly able to let go and set him free. There's a lot of truth in that old story about setting the bird free and it flying back to the cage because it wants too. The bird that isn't encouraged to fly, and do what comes naturally will be constantly dreaming of those soaring heights and freedom and not on looking forward to coming back to you...