Gary was an AA He was attracted to what Liz represented in terms of his ideal life. He blindly tried to fit her into the mould he had created of a mother to his children and a wife who was intelligent, looked good and who would fit in at the tennis club.
Liz wanted to be with a man. She was used to being with a man. She was enjoying the attention Gary was paying to her and when he started talking about living arrangements, she went straight off into the future and created her own scenario. It was very appealing. She started to become the woman Gary wanted her to be. She wanted to please because she wanted the fantasy.
She folded away parts of herself and tried to convince herself that it could work. She kept up
the pretence for a while, but as soon as she let Gary see more of who she really was he became
When Gary realised that Liz had a mind of her own, and was not the model image of his ideal wife, he soon got cold feet. Despite knowing that she and Gary were so unsuited Liz was still sadly disappointed at what she saw as the failure of yet another relationship.
Undaunted, a month later Liz leaped straight into a heady romance with Andy. She said ‘I’d never been without a man in my life for more than a couple of weeks’.
Liz hadn’t yet come to terms with her divorce and learned to be a happy singleton. Instead she crashed from one relationship to another in search of the personal fulfilment she believed she could only find when she was in a committed relationship with a man. She was exactly the kind of woman AA’s are drawn to - attractive, available, emotionally needy and very vulnerable.
She spent 7 weeks of roller coasting through her new relationship as Andy gradually pulled further and further away from her. After a while he had realised that Liz was not the goddess he had set her up to be and she no longer appeared as attractive as she did in those excitement filled first weeks.
Liz realises now that her if her ‘neediness’ remains unchecked she will always be vulnerable to AA’s like Andy. She is beginning to learn that doesn’t need a man but she does need to spend time with herself, healing herself and learning to love herself. She is also starting to accept that only when she is happy with her life and not looking for a man to fix her life, the right man, flaws and all, will appear on her path. She will no longer be vulnerable to the AA’s of this world because she won’t crave what they have to offer.
What about you?
Has this made you think about how you are?
Do you need to be adored or put on a pedestal in order to feel good? Do you think you can only be fulfilled if you have a man in your life? Are you seeking your 'other half'?
If the answer is yes, take some time to work on your own self-esteem, create success in your own right and you will soon see that neediness dissolving.
Help yourself! There's lots more out there!
If you want to preserve your sanity, be cautious when a man comes on too strong, too soon. Take it easy and keep both feet firmly planted in reality. If he is making statements of undying love after only one or two dates tell him plainly something to the effect of whilst you are flattered, [if you are!] you believe love at first sight is lust at first sight and that you would prefer he took the time to get to know you before making a decision like that.
Allow the relationship to develop at a slower pace taking each day as it comes. Be wary of giving up everything around you to engross yourself with your new man. Carry on with your life. Keep seeing your friends, suggest you both see other people, maintain your freedom and above all stay cool. And when you sense the desire, be as warm and loving and sexual as you want, if that's what you want, and just be more aware and ask questions of yourself before diving into the future.
In time you will discover whether your new man is an AA or someone who truly does adore you because he has taken the time to get to really know you. If he is a rational, balanced human being [and this doesn’t preclude him being exciting, sexy and all of those great things] he will not make up his mind before he has had a chance to explore your relationship together, through good and bad and over a period of time.
If you are a wise self-assured woman, you will appreciate this mature attitude and know that if
and when he does declare his undying love it has come not because he is in love with love but
because he thinks you are a match and fit for him.
I leave you with the thought that no matter who you meet on your life’s path, each relationship is neither good nor bad, but just part of life’s divine purpose and a way of teaching you how make it even better the next time round.
And, I am sure you know that if one door closes, there is always another waiting to be opened and as long as you keep your senses sharpened and instant emotional responses in check, you can still step into each new opportunity with a sense of wonder about the endless possibilities. That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it!