While the female is off on in fantasyville. The male of the species will be in his own fantasyville. And generally he won't be dreaming about domestic bliss with 'new squeeze' five years down the line This guy is much more likely to be fantasizing about the next five minutes and what horizontal activities he and the new squeeze could be getting into!
While the male plans the upcoming shag, the female is planning the wedding, the honeymoon, the children and the silver wedding celebrations. True or true?
True for some, and, naturally, there are those who don't fit this generalization. Plenty of women are getting hot thinking about shagging a guy they've just met, while some men will be thinking about how nice it might be spending more time with this gorgeous female. I do have my doubts as to whether many men start planning weddings and children after the first date.
Andy didn't fit the generalisation. Sure he wanted to shag Liz. He probably wouldn't use that word. He'd be much more poetic and women melt at that stuff. Andy had a vision, a sense of a nirvana-like life with Liz, this wonderful goddess. This stuff is great when you are in a relationship and get close. Mutual tantric adoration is very, very, powerful. Andy was acting as if he and Liz were a perfect match but how could he be sure so soon? He didn't know her really. Knowing someone takes time. Andy didn't think he needed time, he was sure, at first. He had created a perfect image in his mind. For the first few weeks he matched Liz to the perfect image. He had to do a bit of deletion and for a while he kept the fantasy going. Then reality set in. Andy is confronted with a flaw in Liz. He can't blot it out. Panic stations. Liz doesn't match. She isn’t perfect. She’s human. She's not a goddess...The idol falls and breaks on the ground.
Perfect perfection seeker seeks perfection
Some perfection seekers also expect perfection in themselves. Perfection doesn’t exist. It's just
an idea. If we subscribe to this toxic story, we will either feel desperately driven to find it like a holy grail or we would want to stop living because we think we can't get it.
By creating perfection and then expecting the other person to live up to this you can miss out all kinds of great relationships. Relationships with human beings. We are all imperfect and that’s the joy of our life. We are all on a path. Everyone we meet has something to teach us. People are who they are and you either accept them for that and love them even more because of who they are, or if they are not a match and fit for you, say bye bye!
You may have already encountered an attraction addict. They are out there everywhere. You may not detect it easily at first, but peer a little closer, hold back just a little with the planning, take stock and you will begin to uncover the clues.
If you want to avoid making the same mistakes as Liz, here’s how to spot an AA.