What is Flirting ?

The dictionary on my bookshelf defines flirting as "Behaving or acting amorously without emotional commitment." Well, that's one definition but, like me, you probably realise that there are also many other definitions of flirting. I have chosen a very generic definition of flirting on which to base my creation of the Flirting Weekend. This is because I feel it is important for people to realise that flirting can be a natural way of communicating with anyone as well as a way of communicating either amorous or sexual interest or both! 

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I recently discovered that the word 'flirting' has its roots in the old French word 'fleurter' meaning 'to flower' I like that. Here's my definition.

Flirting is shining your inner light via your words and deeds in such a way that people are irresistibly drawn to you.

Flirting is a natural gift that we have had from birth. Babies flirt wildly with everyone that comes their way. Unfortunately many adults seem to have lost this wonderful ability. Somewhere along the line we were [wrongly in my opinion] told that it was bad to draw attention to ourselves that little children should be seen and not heard. Some people have grown into adults that are neither seen nor heard. But there is hope you can learn to flirt again.

Flirting is a signaling mechanism that was bestowed upon us by nature. It is a communication tool. Sigmund Freud said that we leak the truth from every pore. We all have patterns of physical reaction that we exhibit. The secret is knowing the patterns of others and being aware of our patterns. For example it is useful to be known what reaction certain behaviours you do create in others. The reaction might be very different to the reaction you are intending to create. We are all gifted with the ability to signal. Many of us need to learn to read how our signals affect others and what signals we can send out to convey certain messages. This goes hand in hand with the ability to decipher other people's signals.

Flirting is our natural way of expressing interest in people. A smile bestowed here, a shared giggle or a word exchanged in the supermarket line can be a powerful thing. Flirting can be a prelude to friendship or a prelude to mating. Once you know how to do it you can choose how to use it. Great flirts do it with everyone, babies, men, women dogs and cats. People who flirt well get what they want in life because they know how to create good feelings in other people.

I am a natural flirt – I love communicating and I find myself initiating conversation with strangers wherever I go.

When I go outside in the world I get an overwhelming sense of possibility and anticipation. I know that I have the opportunity to connect with someone new each day. When I encounter someone who looks good I often turn round and say ‘great dress’ or 'neat tie' as I pass by.. Sometimes I place my hand on someone’s shoulder or tap them on the arm and say ‘I just wanted to say – you have lovely hair’. I have NEVER had a rebuff. Quite the contrary. The warm smile that comes over the faces of people I encounter gives me a real buzz. And it costs absolutely nothing.

One word of warning. It’s no use telling a grossly overweight person what a lovely trim figure they have! People can spot insincerity a mile off. I always make sure to compliment only those attributes or adornments that I really do like.

I go running sometimes on the seafront. I just enjoy smiling and saying 'hi' or 'good morning' to EVERYONE I meet. I know that someone will take that smile and pass it on to someone else...who knows what positive knock-on consequences it might have.

Life goes at a fast pace and many of us are rushing around with our heads full of what we have to do, what we haven't done, what's bothering us, what we want to happen. It's too easy to get caught up in our own inner world. Every so often it's important to come outside, pay attention to what's going on in the world and acknowledge that we all share the same planet and a kind word or a genuine smile goes a long way to maintaining our membership of the human race as opposed to becoming merely a human racing!

P.S. - Peta Heskell is author of the book Flirt Coach published in the USA by Harper  Collins/Thorsons in June 01. She runs the UK Flirting Academy, and coaches clients privately. She is a frequent media guest in the UK and has run workshops in Florida and Amsterdam, Netherlands. You can access her website at:www.flirtcoach.com