How do you know if someone is right for you?

Sarah and Craig met when their eyes locked across a crowded hotel lobby. Sarah was magnetized. He was gorgeous - and she loved his butt. Both of them were in their 50's, he divorced, she a widow. She was with friends, he came over to their table and asked if he could join them for a drink. Sarah's friends went to bed and she and Craig stayed up talking and after finishing off another bottle of red wine - they spent their first night together and they didn't get much sleep! They were in lust!

Craig worked abroad and came back on a regular basis for business. Sarah had a busy life as a business consultant. He returned to his life and she did likewise. They corresponded by email and phone calls. She had a fine circle of friends and was a vibrant, great looking, sexy woman. In fact the wilder and more spontaneous sex was, the more she loved it. Craig had lived abroad for 12 years. He had a lifestyle that was enviable, and he worked hard. He had three children and was going through a messy divorce settlement.

A month or two after they met they went on holiday together. Sarah was still enraptured. The holiday was idyllic and the sex was great! Craig invited Sarah to stay with him on his home ground and that's when things started to crack.... .

They had talked of how they could spend more time together. Craig was keen for her to visit his home and to see if she could enjoy it there. He wanted to show her round. She thought that she could make use of business contacts and consult over there. They had even discussed vague plans for a future together.

Both of them thought they had found 'that special person'.

Sarah discovered a very different Craig to that wild spontaneous lover that had first enticed her. Craig had a crisis at work and he had to spend a lot of time there - more than he had planned. When he returned he was moody and short tempered with Sarah. He accused her of being dependent. She was shocked - during her time in a very hostile foreign country where women were not at ease to wander where they wished, she had been to visit business contacts, had lunch with several newly introduced women and generally been fairly self sufficient.

Craig on the other hand had an issue about responsibility. He felt responsible for everyone
and when he couldn't cope and be responsible, he blamed them. Hmmm.

One evening Sarah reached out to Craig and asked him when he would be finishing his newspaper... with that look and touch that says 'I want you .. .NOW!'... Craig reacted brusquely and said 'Why are you always bothering me - it'll happen naturally'. Crack crack...Sarah was horrified. She loved sex and she loved it with Craig and she had been so used to a totally full on honest sexual relationship with her husband... She felt rejected and dishonoured.

Craig was not used to women initiating sex. He felt pressurised because in his world view men initiated and when he wasn't in charge, he started to feel insecure and angry.

A few weeks after this, Sarah came to see me. She was down about the way the relationship was going. They had made so many plans, it had all seemed so idyllic at first - what went wrong?